Why My Open Flame?

Flame and fire have always been very symbolic to me. Fire is traditionally thought to mean the end of something, but it also means the beginning.

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After it takes, it gives a clean slate (although it usually doesn’t seem like that at the time). In the study of the elements, Fire is known for Creation, Destruction, and Transformation. I have often written and burned letters to signify the letting go of a situation, etc. I love watching flames twist on bonfires or candles; it looks almost as if they are colorful, dancing bodies. Flame signifies transformation, and the unknown potential for what’s next.

The potential I speak of comes from the flame within me-within all of us. Unfortunately my personal flame burns partially from my pain, from the power of my disease and my demons throwing coals on the fire. I have been shoving this flame down, far down, choking off the air supply for years—as long as I can remember—because I wanted to hide the truth. I didn’t want to be “that girl.” But you know what? I always have been “That Girl” and I had just been hiding it! I’m not sure how successful I was all those years, but I think I kept it together okay on the outside most of the time. But on the inside, I was usually a wreck for God-knows-how-long.

But my flame can also push me to do amazing things, if I just tend to it carefully- give it air to breathe but try to keep my demons somewhat tame as well. My inner fire pushes me to new experiences and new places, unimaginable goals and dreams, and amazing friends and memories. It’s important to listen to my fire because even though I have a brain disease (and a brain trauma history); that does not mean that my gut is wrong. If I am taking care of myself, I am perfectly capable to making my own decisions—and that means listening to my own body. My bipolar brain and body are excited by My Open Flame! And my fire burns brighter…

The flame grows inside me because I realize that I have all the time in the world share my story, my thoughts, my ideas; and hope that you’ll share yours too! My overworked, manic thoughts are soothed with the thought of endless time. My tired, aching, depressed body and mind are infused with a little more fight by thinking about breaking the cycle and actually enjoying life, and helping others to do the same! Please be patient. My mind may not work like yours does; but that is the great thing about us—if we learn to embrace our differences instead of hiding them—think of the world we would create!!